The Early Signs of an Abusive Partner
Contrary to popular belief domestic abuse is never present in the beginning of a relationship. No one enters a relationship with the thought that their partner is abusive. It’s quite opposite in fact. Abusive partners are predators. They are charming, charismatic and cunning drawing their victims in with personal magnetism. Once a strong emotional attachment is formed, signs of abusive behavior become more apparent and present. This causes the victims to become confused with feelings of hopelessness. Victims of domestic and sexual abuse are conditioned to believe their abuse is a product of their own doing.
1. Relationship moves too quickly
If there is an immediate spark and instant connection, this is a MAJOR red flag. People in normal, healthy relationships move at a steady pace. Abusers use a tactic called love bombing, to ensure their victim quickly develops emotional attachments.
⦁ Receiving an abundance of phone calls, admiring texts, or if you have now become the center of an individual’s life.
⦁ Over complimented and idolized
⦁ Always together, get’s upset if you are apart.
⦁ Talks about commitment or marriage too soon or uses phrases “Has never felt this way about anyone before” “I will never love someone as much as I love you”
2. Shows Early Signs of Jealousy
Abusers will fish for information about prior relationship habits, or show early signs of jealousy whether it be towards friends of the opposite sex or in general. Abusers will use whatever information gathered on you for their manipulation tactics.
3. They Will Tell You What They Aren’t (But they really are)
When normal and healthy people get to know one another they have dialogue regarding their interests, what they enjoy etc, they want their partners to know who they are. Abusers let their victims know in the beginning what they are, by telling they exactly how they are in a way that their victim isn’t able to comprehend. An abuser will use phrases like this, keep in mind
⦁ I’m not like other guys (or girls)
⦁ I would never hurt you
⦁ It’s not about the sex
⦁ I’m not your typical….. (insert caption here)
4. They Tell You That Others Criticize You
This is one of the most important things to be aware of. Abusers will tell their victim how others have begun to criticize them. This is a form of convert manipulation to hurt not only the victims self esteem, but isolate them as well. This makes the victim feel dependent on the abuser. Many times abusers use this as a means to control who the victim socializes with, eventually isolating the victim from family and friends.
5. You Are Blamed for Things You Have Not Done
Abusers will blame their victim for their own behavior. Victims are told “You can’t be trusted, you’re going to hurt me.” This confuses the victim, causing the victim to try harder to prove their worth and loyalty to the abuser. The abuser plays on the victims empathy, making the victim believe the abuser is insecure, needing nurturing when in all actuality the abuser is projecting their own behavior onto the victim.
6. Provoking Feelings of Jealousy – (he/she is just a friend)
Abusers will manufacture and provoke feelings of jealously and rage, which typically aren’t present in healthy relationships. Healthy relationships are about making your partner feel comfortable. Abusers do the opposite and inflict as much drama as possible. Abusers are usually hyper sexual and have many partners. Once they get the reaction they’ve manufactured, they paint the VICTIM as the controlling abuser, to cover their tracks.
7. Forceful Sexual Habits
Many victims of abusive partners are sexually assaulted more so then they are aware of. Victims are “groomed and conditioned” through brainwashing tactics to dismiss and be unaware of the severity of abuse happening to them. Abusers have a very high sex drive, and they do not like hearing no for an answer. Victims will find themselves feeling guilty for saying no, or in most causes no means yes. If the victim does not want to engage in sexual activity they are accused of cheating, seeing someone else or put on a guilt trip. Victims are conditioned to comply with their abuser to avoid retaliation and rage.
8. Controlling Finances, Then Life
An abusers ultimate goal is to make their victim completely dependent on them. It’s what allows them to get away with so much. Women who work in bars usually are the perfect prey. This allows the abuser to be justified when telling his/her victim to no longer work. Abusers will eliminate the resources for victims to take care of themselves, it allows the abuser to exercise a tremendous amount of power over the victim.
9. Belittlement, Public Humiliation, & Angry Outbursts
An abuser will abuse his victim in a way that can be easily brushed off. They will humiliate their partners in public, or have angry outbursts. They usually air dirty laundry, that has been tailored for their agenda. They constantly complain about their victims to others seeking sympathy. The abuser plays the role of being abused, so the victims credibility is tarnished, making the victim feel trapped.
10. Will Never Admit Faults
Abusers will never take accountability, they will always shift the blame. Abusers gaslight. They will never admit wrongdoing and will continue to shift the blame and the victim is reprimanded for questioning an abusers authority.
11. All Of their Ex’s Were Crazy
If coincidentally everyone of their ex’s were either crazy or a stalker there’s a huge problem here. It’s time to step back and ponder who the crazy one really is. “Crazy and Stalker” are common names abusers call their victims that tried to speak out against the abuse endured. An abuser will always play the victim role.